I don't want to think that I'm feeling bored but I want to be anywhere but here. I'm still dreaming of a getaway... in a beach, barefoot with the cool wind and the sound of the waves crashing to the shore.

While sitting here in the office, counting the hours and the days and months, I'm wondering, yes still wondering where I will be this time next year. 

I know I'm still lucky and blessed to have a job but I still want to find my passion. I'm thinking of teaching preschoolers. It sure is a lot more fun than dealing with adults exchanging currencies or sending money. 

I know at some point in my life, I dreamt of being here but I feel like I've been here for too long. I know I've never really stayed long enough in my job. I just think that I should try other jobs and keep looking for the one that I enjoy doing rather than dragging myself to work everyday and dreading coming to work. 

I think I'm almost in the verge of throwing up whenever I think about work. I'm not just very happy about being where I am now. Okay so, I just have to remind myself that I'm not going to do this forever. I will find my passion (Awww but I have to wait till next year because of some plans that I don't want to screw up) and follow what I want to do. I should do something that makes me happy and look forward to a new day everyday. 

I still believe everything's going to be okay. I'll keep my faith and I know God has a better plan for me. :-)

A visit from the past

I wish I'm a child again, worrying nothing, day dreaming, playing till mealtime, just doing all those stuff that kids do. 

I have a great childhood and now I just can't help but reminisce those memories. Those times during school vacation where my siblings and I would just go to the farm at the back of our house and build a shack and pretend that it's our house then we would mould some clay and make some pots out of if and would cook some stuff out of leaves, and seeds and other stuff. 

I think it's a wonderful escape walking down memory lane. 

Things have sure changed a lot. I'm still thankful that I have those great memories to look back. I miss being a child again.

Thoughts...

A few years ago, how I longed to come here. How I longed to see this place and experience life here. Now that I'm here and it's almost a couple of years of being here, I'm a bit tired of my routine.

I don't hate my life here, but I don't really like it either. Sometimes I think people who are doing what they want and being where they want to be are very lucky. 

They said you can change where you are, you're not a tree - how I wish it's that easy. Reality is, things are not always as easy as they seem to be. ***deep sigh***

Alright, everything's gonna be alright. I know. 

Out of the blue

So I was feeling all bored and I was wondering where I would be 365 days from now when I decided to check my inbox and unexpectedly I got an email from my "used to be" online student. It's been years since I've heard from her and I never thought that I would hear from her again. I feel so happy being remembered. Now, I suddenly miss my old job. I miss being an online-teacher. I still prefer that job over the job that I have right now. Teaching is still more fulfilling compared to my job right now. 😟

It makes me smile...

It makes me smile when you remember all the little things that I never thought you would remember.

It makes me smile the way you call me yours and the way you get greedy in wanting me all to yourself.

It makes me smile when you sing me a song and the way you laugh after singing. 

It makes me smile when you tease me.

It makes me smile the way you call my name. 

It makes me smile knowing I have you.

It makes me smile knowing that you love me. 😊

Those days...

I'm tired... I mean not really physically tired, though I'm almost heading to that direction. I'm kind of mentally and emotionally tired (okay, I don't always feel this way... Just some days and this is one of those days). I don't know how to feel. I'm not happy nor sad. I'm not fed up with my job (not yet... Hope I will not come to that point though) but I'm not happy about it either. 

I feel like I'm working just for the sake of working. I'm living absent-mindedly. I wish I'm somewhere else... in the beach or perhaps in the Himalayan mountains (just for a few days probably) or maybe exploring the rainforest of Amazon or in the sacred valley of Peru or in Sa Pa in Vietnam where Susana would brag about or maybe exploring the beautiful city of Singapore or just enjoying the relaxing view of Bali... Or maybe... maybe just sleeping, oblivious to the hurly burly of the world around me.

Random things I miss back home

I miss home and all those feelings associated to it. I miss that feeling after the rain where you hear the birds joyfully chirping rejoicing for the sunshine. I miss eating foods that my mother or sister would cook. I miss waking up so late without being bothered of being late for work. I miss the afternoon chat with my family/ neighbors. I miss the long and lazy walk down our oftentimes quiet street. I miss the sea. I miss the rice field at the back of our house. 

I miss the boring and laid back life back home.